In Malaysia, driving on the roads is something akin to wrapping yourself in a skintight aluminium suit; you're uncomfortably trapped in an enclosed space for hours, with a huge chance of being killed by almost anything. Most Malaysian drivers are notoriously famous for being idiots on the road, with a skyrocketing rate of

This is not a post about other drivers on the road. This is a post about you, the driver. As we drive, we tend to exhibit some traits which are only found while inside a moving vehicle. This is a post about those traits. Don't kid yourself. You're in one of these categories.

#5 The Parent

The Parent is inside every one of us, sitting and biding its time to appear. The Parent occurs when you find yourself correcting the driving skills of everyone around you. You mumble and complain, you mumble some more and chatter, chatter, chatter away. To yourself. In your car. Y'know, like how parents always do. Don't worry. It happens to even the most zen of all drivers.

#4 The Paternal Blamer

You've probably yelled this at least once in your driving life; 'YOUR GRANDFATHER OWN THE ROAD MEH?'. This happens a lot especially when pedestrians and/or drivers hog up the entire road and sniff roses while an increasingly angry line of people get pissed off behind them. Yes, you may not know the grandfather of the snail in front of you, but this phrase still pops out of your mouth. It's awesome.

#3 The Perceptually Angry

The Perceptually Angry are always angry. At everything. Period.

#2 The Poetic

The Romantic poets used opium and alcohol to dull their senses and get sucked into a world of poetry, but 2 hour long traffic jams are equally as effective. While stuck in traffic jams, one's mind tends to wander, and sometimes, some of the best poetry are written while in the driver's seat. Here's one: "Roses are red, violets are blue. You cut me off, so &*%$ you!"

#1 The Perpetrator

The Perpetrator is the darkness lurking in every driver's heart. Whenever you see an opening to cut someone off, or to weave in and out of traffic, or even to dickishly take the emergency lane, that's when you become The Perpetrator. The Darth Vader to everyone else's Luke Skywalker, the Joker to everyone's Batman. You're a dick, that's what I'm saying.

Or, y'know, if you didn't bother to read any of the above, you can just watch this video instead. Whatever floats your boat, friend.

 

Cheerios!